QuietSpacing

It is my humble opinion that much of the woes we suffer locally and globally today come from one simple fact – the abdication of personal responsibility.  Color me a pessimist (I prefer “realist”), but no matter what woe befalls us, it always seems to be someone else’s fault or responsibility.  Of course, when catastrophe strikes, such as the earthquakes in Haiti, we all seem to band together. 

What I’m addressing is the less obvious and certainly more insidious – like our economic situation or efforts at social reform.  For example, when times are good we don’t want anyone interfering with our success.  But as soon as the applecart is upset, we all start pointing figures with our right hand and reaching out with our left, palm up.

The purpose of these short missives is not to chastise people or remedy faults in human nature.  It is to ask you to stop and consider a single thought about how we choose to use the limited and fixed time we have together.  The thought for today is that personal responsibility is a lifestyle choice.  By taking the position that the results and consequences of the decisions we each make and the actions we take are our own personal responsibility, I believe we will experience two things:

• How much value we can create.  Taking personal responsibility generally causes people to slow down their thinking and acting.  More thoughtful behaviors tend to generate better results.  Value is either inherent or added.  Someone who views their actions as their own tends to more clearly recognize inherent value and find ways to further the value that already exists.
• How rewarding our life can feel.  The sense of command and direction people feel who take ownership of their lives is empowering.  Whether they follow their existing path or venture down a new one, those who take charge of things always get to drive.

The next time you launch into a diatribe about how the government is doing “X’ or big business is doing “Y,” ask yourself what you’re doing to change that fact.  I posit that you’ll be surprised at what you might decide to do.

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I attended a memorial service today for a friend who succumbed to the effects of mental illness. It was a staggering loss for his family and friends, me among them. Few knew of Jeff’s struggles, which made the loss even harder to bear.

Throughout the service, many people reflected on how Jeff impacted the world around him. Two themes emerged from this recounting and I believe we can learn from them.

Orient Your Life Around Needs Versus Desires

In all the years I knew Jeff, he lived a relatively simple life. He maintained a meaningful but not overly demanding career that revolved around both the outdoor recreation and retail worlds. His work served his needs, but did not overwhelm the things most important to him: his friends and family.

Jeff was married to a lovely and kind woman. After they got married, twins came along, with one suffering from a rare developmental disorder that required extraordinary attention. Jeff and his wife made sure those needs were met and that their daughter suffered as little as possible from the exclusionary effects of disability.

With friends Jeff was equally giving. Always ready to help others, he routinely volunteered time and assistance to those who needed help with whatever project was top on the list. In his broader community, Jeff committed time and energy to troubled youth. He met the needs of others, always with a warm smile and an outstretched hand.

In the last several years, I only saw Jeff once or twice a year. Our visits were often short, most lasting less than an hour during the rush of the busy day. Yet, whenever I walked into his shop, I was always greeted with that warm smile and a, “What’s up, Pablo?” Always. And then he’d make time to have coffee or talk for a few minutes – meeting my needs to hang with him for a minute or two.

Reflecting on those times with Jeff and hearing the stories others told, it occurred to me that if we focus on our needs – our true needs – then aren’t our desires met? I’m sure Jeff struggled mightily with his illness, but I believe that when he was meeting his own needs – being with and helping others – his desires were being met.

I’m going to think really hard about what my true needs are and see if meeting them does, in fact, result in my desires also being met.

Consider The Breadth Of Success, Not Just Its Height

Success is generally viewed as a height, often referred to in that form of measure – being “on top,” reaching “the pinnacle,” having “mountains of cash,” etc. As I experienced Jeff’s service today, I began asking myself whether success might have another dimension – one of breadth. Can success be wide in addition to or instead of tall? Can someone’s success be measured in terms of affect?

The answer, of course, is yes. There are many famous people who have postively affected the lives of thousands, even millions, and they have been recognized for their efforts. Mother Teresa and Nelson Mandela are two that come to mind. But why not us mere mortals? In other words, should we measure and remain cognizant of how much positive affect is occuring when considering our own success or that of others?

The answer, again, is yes. But if it’s that obvious, why don’t we? And, more imporantly, how can we?

I don’t have the answers, but I know that when we lost Jeff we lost the personification of the breadth of success.

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Like most, I’m staring down the long corridor of the new year.  Numerous hopes and aspirations fill my mind as I consider what 2010 may hold. 

Currently, I’m in the throws of two huge development projects.  The first is the implementation of an SaaS ERP platform for our online kayaking gear business – www.outdoorplay.com.  The other is the finalization of the QuietSpacing(tm) On-Demand streaming video series.  Once the dust settles from those efforts, I’m sure there will be other matters needing my immediate attention.

In spite of the stress and frantic pace, I often remind myself that

Memories are the currency of life

Simply stated:  We have now and we had before.  (We hope to have later.)  Some of what we do now is what we’ll remember later.  Consequently, when viewed as a continuum, the things we do that create memories are how we will gauge the success and quality of our lives.  The more good memories we create, the more successful and happier we’ll feel.

So, when you’re racing headlong into the day, the week or the month, take a moment once in a while to ask yourself what you’re doing to create the kind of memories you’ll look back at and smile.

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I’m not that old.  I grew up with microwaves and color television.  When I started working full time, we had fax machines, overnight mail services and voicemail was gaining acceptance.  However, as the world began to move faster and faster via technological advances like e-mail, the Internet and smartphones, our workflow processing behaviors took a turn for the worse.

The Way it Was and What’s Gone Wrong

You see, “back in the day” we started our days by looking at what had to get done … first. Then we started doing.  Today, it’s the opposite.  We jump to the doing – replying to e-mail and driving ahead - before considering what’s already on our plates. 

The purpose of these old-school review periods was to organize and prioritize our tasks, folding into the mix our appointments and other things that needed our attention.  Then we would move forward into the day and deal with what came our way.  This surveying behavior was usually repeated around the lunch hour and just before going home.  Functionally, we were keeping an eye on the big picture while dealing with the day-to-day details of our work.

This surveying process has largely been lost in today’s frenetic working world.  We’ve become addicted to “right now” – checking our e-mail on our smartphone and constantly seeking updates on various things via the Internet.  Most people have reviewed the latest e-mails that arrived overnight, often making commitments in response to them, before even reviewing what’s already on today’s to-do list!  This mindset – needing to stay Über-connected and ultra-”responsive” – is dramatically affecting our productivity, as well as our piece of mind.

Retake Command of Your World

This is a subject deserving of much more than a mere missive on corrective action.  Alas, I fear no one would read it due to the lack of perceived available time!  Consequently, I’ll keep my directive short:

Review What’s On Your Plate Three Times Each Day – Morning, Noon and Night

This is just common sense, but it’s not generally followed very much anymore.  All I’m suggesting is that people review the commitments they’ve already made before jumping in to the next batch of requests (e-mail, voice mails, meetings, etc.).  The more you know about your existing level of commitment, the better-able you’ll be to accurately judge and manage new commitments.  Moreover, when you start with “What’s on my plate?” you are taking command of your world.  When you’re waiting with baited breath of the next e-mail to land in your Inbox, you’re at the mercy of others.  It’s neither productive, nor enjoyable.

Just take a few minutes first thing in the morning, at mid-day, and just before going home to conduct a complete survey of everything on your desk or in your Inbox.  Consider what, if anything, needs to be re-prioritized and feel good about the things you’ve checked off the list.  In the end, you’ll see that this old-school behavior still drives terrific results in this modern-day world.

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Stuff is coming at us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week from all over the globe in today’s always-on world.  Not only do we have to process more information, but we also seem to end up with more things crowding their way onto our schedule and task lists.  Whether it’s filling out the coversheet to our TPS reports or getting treats for the ikebana “Tweet-Up,” there’s always more to manage and more to do.  The result is a sense of stress and mental (and physical) exhaustion.

An Exercise in Sanity

I often work with my coaching clients on this issue.  Many of these people are overwhelmed by the sheer volume of things that end up on their plate, so the following is an exercise I ask them to perform in an effort for them to regain some sense of command over their world:

Step 1

Collect everything together in one place so you can work through all the demands on your time and energy.  (Also, note that it’s best to do this exercise when you start with a clear mind – first thing in the morning or on a weekend.)

Step 2

Review your short- and long-term priorities both professionally and personally.  If you can’t list them off the top of your head, create that list now.

Step 3

Begin working through the stack of items (and your calendar) asking yourself which of these three categories each item/event can be placed:

• Eliminate:  These are items that don’t directly drive the objectives you reviewed/established in Step 2 above.  Generally, they linger on task lists and calendars, consuming valuable mental and physical resources (e.g., energy and time) with no obvious benefit to be derived.  My advice is to assume everything on your task list and calendar fits into this category until definitively established otherwise.
• Delegate:  These are items that do, in fact, meet one of your objectives, but could (relatively) easily be performed by someone else.  Get these into production by delegating them.  You might have to train or mentor that person, but it’ll pay dividends in the long run if you move this onto their list/calendar.
• Prioritize/Re-prioritize/De-prioritize:  These are the items/events that directly advance your objectives and can only reasonably be done by you.  This should be a very short list since most things can/should be eliminated or delegated, leaving you to attend to the highest level matters.  You should now prioritize these items in terms of what drives the most value to your objectives and re-prioritize (or de-prioritize) those things that are more wish list than value-add efforts.

The net result is that you have cleansed your task list and calendar of things that just take up space and that can be done by others.  You are left, I hope, with the high value-add items that directly contribute to your success as defined by your objectives.

Maintaining Sanity

Do this exercise at least once per month.  After the first cleansing, you’ll find it is quick and easy to complete because you are now more accustomed to making these decisions and because the pile will be smaller.  The end-game here is that you will have a much firmer grasp on your world and no longer feel like you are hanging on by your fingernails!

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